Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
