you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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