If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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