i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love accidental penises.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
