You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
