I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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