Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
