Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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