I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
