If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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