the condom got lost in my hair
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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