I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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