Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
