Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
