rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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