Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
