the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize