OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
