there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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