I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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