Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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