Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i will never coherently bang her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
