First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
