everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
