I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
