The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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