The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
