i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
