I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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