Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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