3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
