Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
