$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
