We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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