I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I want is dick and wine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
