I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
