you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
