If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
