Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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