my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
