Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
