I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
