remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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