Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
