i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
