All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
