apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
