I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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