Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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