sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
