So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said her name was "party"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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