What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize