I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
