I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As shirtless as possible
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
