i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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