Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
