I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
