so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
