Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
