woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
