Just took my morning after pill in the library
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
