this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
