drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
