You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
