if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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