I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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