Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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