My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
